HOME, HOWEVER AND WHEREVER THAT IS
Yansu Tan
12 April 2023
12 April 2023
You gave birth
To me, to us. In you we search
The answer to every question. You reassure
Me, you are right.
The status quo is fine.
I trusted you, I did
Believe. We all did.
You – mother –
Bathed me, clothed me, corrected me.
Watched where I looked,
Heard what I’d speak.
The man on the hill
Lectures and lectures and lectures
And lectures to
A classroom of children.
Murk seeps in. It swells
From the cracks in the floors. It oozes
From the bulletin boards. It leaks
Into our desks. Into our throats, eyes, and fingertips
It pours.
A slow morph: like
Mitosis I am
Split by and from
A distance.
Two antagonizing figures – one a ghost – I let the other overpower.
She starts to blur.
I have this dream where
I turn towards you. Your face turns
White, white like a bone.
Innocence was a bliss –
No!
It was a weakness.
This morning
I woke up in trembling fear.
A burning
Pang screaming.
It floods my lungs. It axes through.
I gag.
All alone it feels like dying.
Alone it feels like dying.
Alone is death.
Silence is a curse.
I had this dream where your pupils shoot
Sparks and my spine burns
From your gaze. It’s on fire.
The more I run, the more it hurts.
Awake I found my limbs wired.
My mind inhabits a marionette.
What a neat job you did, I must confess.
You – monster –
Bathed me, clothed me, corrected me.
Watched where I looked,
Heard what I’d speak –
But did you listen?
Mobs of mad men.
Consciousness catches fire. We swell
From the cracks in the floors. We ooze
From behind the poster boards. We leak
Into your bureaucracy. Into your ears, guns, guts
We pour.
Rage’s wildfire is doused but fuelled by Sacrifice’s blood.
I’m not whispering anymore.
I’m addressing you directly
Right now. Look me in the eye!
I grab you by the collar!
I shake you to life!
Wake up, I scream!
To me, to us. In you we search
The answer to every question. You reassure
Me, you are right.
The status quo is fine.
I trusted you, I did
Believe. We all did.
You – mother –
Bathed me, clothed me, corrected me.
Watched where I looked,
Heard what I’d speak.
The man on the hill
Lectures and lectures and lectures
And lectures to
A classroom of children.
Murk seeps in. It swells
From the cracks in the floors. It oozes
From the bulletin boards. It leaks
Into our desks. Into our throats, eyes, and fingertips
It pours.
A slow morph: like
Mitosis I am
Split by and from
A distance.
Two antagonizing figures – one a ghost – I let the other overpower.
She starts to blur.
I have this dream where
I turn towards you. Your face turns
White, white like a bone.
Innocence was a bliss –
No!
It was a weakness.
This morning
I woke up in trembling fear.
A burning
Pang screaming.
It floods my lungs. It axes through.
I gag.
All alone it feels like dying.
Alone it feels like dying.
Alone is death.
Silence is a curse.
I had this dream where your pupils shoot
Sparks and my spine burns
From your gaze. It’s on fire.
The more I run, the more it hurts.
Awake I found my limbs wired.
My mind inhabits a marionette.
What a neat job you did, I must confess.
You – monster –
Bathed me, clothed me, corrected me.
Watched where I looked,
Heard what I’d speak –
But did you listen?
Mobs of mad men.
Consciousness catches fire. We swell
From the cracks in the floors. We ooze
From behind the poster boards. We leak
Into your bureaucracy. Into your ears, guns, guts
We pour.
Rage’s wildfire is doused but fuelled by Sacrifice’s blood.
I’m not whispering anymore.
I’m addressing you directly
Right now. Look me in the eye!
I grab you by the collar!
I shake you to life!
Wake up, I scream!
